I approached the drawer where I keep my obnoxious crystal ball warily, hoping it would be at least polite if not in good humor. I was wrong. As soon as I took it out it growled, “What do you want now? Didn’t you bother me just last week?”
I cringed. “Well, yes, but I also said readers wanted your thoughts on the Dallas Cowboys and UTEP basketball in addition to what you gave them on UTEP football.”
It sighed. “Oh, the readers want my picks, not you,” it said, clearing its throat. “That’s different.”
I unclenched my fist (I had been ready to bop it one). I said softly, “You said you are as worried about the Cowboys and UTEP basketball as much as you are about UTEP football.”
IT RAISED AN eyebrow, paused for a moment and said, “Yes, it’s true. Let’s take the Dallas Cowboys first. They, like UTEP football and UTEP basketball, have a lot of questions to answer. I like quarterback Tony Romo both as a person and as an athlete. He’s a nice man, stays out of personal troubles and has a great arm. But he’s snake-bit. He could have gotten the Cowboys to the playoffs his first year but fumbled a snap on a key play. Another time he could have gotten the Cowboys to the Super Bowl but in the conference championship game a receiver dropped what would have been the winning touchdown pass although it was right in the receiver’s gut. Romo has also had to battle injuries, bad coaching and flaky wide receivers throughout his career. Maybe his luck will change now that he’s married. It happens.”
IT WENT ON. “Talking about flakes, look at what happened with Dez Bryant. It looked like he was going to be a super star last season then he gets into trouble. And then there’s Miles Austin. He looked great two years ago then poof! Nothing. Now if Romo had more receivers like tight end Jason Witten, well, that’s another story.
“And then there’s the coaching situation. Jason Garrett did a great job after taking over for Wade Phillips last year. He was 5-3 but his offense was 1-7 the first half of the season. Which is the real Jason Garrett? We’ll have to wait to find out.
“And I worry about the defense. It seems awfully porous, especially in the secondary.
“Oh, the Cowboys will win more than they’ll lose and maybe go as good as 10-6 or 11-5 but a Super Bowl? Naw.”
I DIDN’T LIKE its analysis but wasn’t going to argue. “What about UTEP basketball?” I asked.
The crystal ball shook its head. “That’s the most troublesome of all. I have no doubt Tim Floyd is a good coach but for goodness sake, he’s starting practically from scratch. He may do all right in pre-conference play but Conference USA is a tough cookie even with experienced players, which he doesn’t have. If he does better than .500 in conference he should be hauled around on fans’ shoulders.”
I chuckled and said, “Would you volunteer to help haul him around?’
“Well, yeah,” it said, “if I had any shoulders.
IT STRAIGHTENED up, stretched and yawned. It said, “So there you have it. UTEP will win four or five games in football, the Dallas Cowboys will have a winning season but won’t make it to the Super Bowl and UTEP basketball will be lucky to break .500 in Conference USA.
“Now will you please quit bugging me and let me go back to sleep?”
“Gladly,” I said. I picked it up, resisted the temptation of giving it a swift kick and dumped it back in its drawer.
Veteran sports journalist and author Ray Sanchez welcomes suggestions for his column.